Very long update

It's seriously been 4 years since I've updated this blog. Crazy! SO much has happened. Last time I wrote was December of 2012. 

It's now 2016

I am not sure why I stopped. But I realized tonight that I need to get started again. Aside from my husband, I don't feel like I have someone I can really share my true, raw feelings with. And I feel like I'm just bothering anyone when I try. A lot has got me down. We are trying for baby number 3 and have been for a year today.

I guess first I should take this back to 2013. We had baby number number 2, Lucy, on November 1, 2013. Zach was 5 and a half years old and he loved her from the start. 

She is now a feisty, stubborn and beautiful 2 year old diva.

Just look at her. She makes my heart smile. Even if she is the biggest spoiled princess ever.

But anyway, she came into our lives and I swore I was done having kids because my labor/delivery with her sucked worse than Zach's by a million!

They say you forget the pain once they are here. I was sure I never would and I was done...

But I did forget. 

Fast forward to summer of 2015 and we decide we are actually wanting another child. I am ready to go for it because hey, i'm 31 (at the time) and not getting any younger. So June 19, 2015 I go to the OBGYN and ask them to remove my IUD (Mirena) and they oblige. And they say "maybe we will see you in a month!" and I excitedly leave the office and am raring to go! 

A year goes by and now here we are. June 19, 2016. Baby number 3 is not here. We have tried and tried. Every month for a year I have sat down and pee'd on a stick only to be confronted by a gut wrenching negative sign. Every. Single. Month.  I have tracked my periods, ovulation, etc. Nothing. I decided a month ago to visit my OB again and tell them the problem. They do blood work. At the time I am within' the dreaded " 2 week wait " where you are between ovulation and your next period. Where you are not sure whether you fertilized that egg yet or if you're period is gonna show up to disappoint you again. So as I said, they took blood. A few days later, they called and told me that my progesterone levels were not where they should be for where I was in my cycle. I had some condition, though for the life of me, I can't remember what it is right now. But I guess I should have had a higher number at the time and didn't. 
Anyway she tells me I also do not ovulate mature eggs. And when I do ovulate, it doesn't last long. So she prescribes me "Clomid"...

Clomid (clomiphene) is a non-steroidal fertility medicine. It causes the pituitary gland to release hormones needed to stimulate ovulation (the release of an egg from the ovary).

In lamen's terms, Clomid helps produce mature eggs. 

So I wait around for my period to start and let me just say, I have never wanted aunt flow to visit as much as I did then. I waited for days. Usually around the 14th of the month she visits. But that damn hussy mother nature made me wait an extra 3 days and finally made her appearance on the 17th of the month. Go Figure! 

On Cycle day 3, I took the first dose of clomid. 

Let me tell you, this stuff is no joke. You feel like a crazy mad woman all 5 days you take it. Next time I take it, and sadly there will be a next time because spoiler alert, it didnt work the first time} I will be sure to lock myself in a room alone. Aside from the mood swings, you sweat like crazy from hot flashes, you get monster headaches, and OH, when you do ovulate, you know it by the painful cramping you get!

Well to make an already long ass story short. It didn't work. At least I don't think it worked. I have begun to bleed but its a very light bleed that only mostly shows up when I wipe. And while this could be implantation bleeding, I don't think that's it. I took a pregnancy test and it was a big fat ... you guessed it..negative! Another negative test. I think its the clomid messing with me. Cause from what I have read, it thins the lining of the uterus. THUS having less to shed, THUS making my period light as HELL, THUS confusing me and making me feel even more shitty. Yeah, I'm calling my doc tomorrow. 

I feel like this blog is hella long so i'm gonna end it right here. Maybe i'll write more later.